Pleasure Points (Return to Form)

This is Angry Tablecloth, and I never ask for a favour from another if they cannot benefit from it in some way. The privilege of doing me a favour covers most ground.

I have a confession to make. A part of me is afraid to publicly admit this, but I have been feeling deflated as of late. I am usually comfortable with showing my vulnerable side, because I have the strength to do so… or because I lack discretion, due to an obliviousness of what makes others uneasy. I am also comfortable with running through a movie theater completely naked, if fueled by enough peer pressure, and alcohol. There’s just something about being tazered, and handcuffed in a public setting that really makes you feel alive, you know? I suppose that proves my lack of discretion, but that is not the point I wanted to make. The point is I am sad.

You may recall my excitement in a past piece about the influx of followers I was receiving. “Twenty followers after twenty posts?! That’s ten times the number of friends I have in real life!” That is a paraphrasing of what was written. It was then that I devised my masterful million post, million follower plan. Project MPMF seemed like a sure thing, but I am starting to have doubts that I’ll live another five hundred years. How else am I supposed to find fame and fortune? By writing well researched, insightful, thought provoking posts on relevant subjects? By not throwing ninety percent of my posts into the “Reality” category, because it is easy, and I am lazy? Would creating a proper logo help, featuring an angry tablecloth, instead of the skeleton/alien/self portrait thing I use instead, because it was already complete beforehand, further proving how lazy and unfocused I can be? Maybe having a proper website address without “wordpress” being in the middle of it would help. Maybe the fact I struggle to afford the minimal cost to do this proves such a thing is the least of my problems. Maybe following through and committing to things is not as overrated as I once thought.

Sure, my little site here may not have a lot of pictures, or videos, and is very bare bones, even for a free site, but is it not the actual content that matters? Is the flash around the substance really that important? Would Jeopardy not be the same show without the fancy wall of monitors, and buzzers, and enough vacant floor space to land a small plane on? Wouldn’t people still watch if the contestants had to raise their hand as fast as possible to answer questions, and had to write their Final Jeopardy answers with a pen on a piece of paper? No, no they wouldn’t. All game shows have the bells and whistles they do, because that is half the fun for people. I get it, and enjoy it as well. Even a smart show like Jeopardy understands this. The theme song alone could be what has kept it alive for the last thirty years. This truth might be a bit deflating, but focus on the content, and someone with an eye for potential may see that your ideas are worth investing in, providing the funds to display a bit of that game show flare to wrangle in prospective readers. It’s important to at least have a complete vision for the mind’s eye to see, if the visual presentation is wanting – this can be a make or break difference – a demonstration of confidence and commitment, which is vital.

Leonardo Da Vinci was notorious for not completing projects on time, according to the one Assassin’s Creed videogame I played, and so… I’m about to compare myself to one of history’s greatest minds. Step away from that sentiment Tablecloth, step away. Actually, when people would tell me I was funny, or I had a talent for poetry, or other creative fields, I would look to the negative qualities stereotypically associated with others in those fields. The negatives I could relate to allowed me to believe in the positives others claimed I possessed, and turned out to be one step – an important action towards overcoming the negatives. As far as not completing projects on time goes, I was (and still am, to a degree) a person of thought to the point where it can paralyze action. Some people think bad boys – or jerks if you prefer – get more girls, or that girls prefer such guys. A thoughtless person is able to act without the impeding considerations a thoughtful person is often bound to, although a consideration such as this can open gates to more action. They can act without thought, because they are relatively thoughtless in certain respects. This allows them to have more success in the dating world, but female cuttlefish have shown they pick mates based on intelligence as much as brawn… but I have gone off track, again.

Receiving likes and follows is fun to have happen, but fixating on them (personally) is not. One post gets a bunch of likes, and the next only gets half of the previous number, which makes you wonder, “What was wrong with that post? Why is it not as popular?” You then hastily write another post that is clearly rushed, hoping it will be a return to form as far as popularity is concerned, but that is not the case. Discouragement then starts to overwhelm, and you stop writing on a consistent basis, as you spiral downward into a deep pit of doubt and despair. You then find yourself homeless, drinking in a dark alley, only to one day notice a pen and paper behind the dumpster where you offer sexual favours for drug money, as if fate placed it there. You then write a few sentences down that you’ve been thinking about lately, and suddenly the magic and wonder writing first provided has returned… not that I would know anything about this…

Staying grounded, remembering where you came from, understanding what is really important; it’s like I learned the lessons of a rock star, you know, without going through all of that fame and fortune nonsense. It’s the attitude that I do not care about making money or garnering critical acclaim, and knowing the pleasures of molding a thought from scratch that will eventually lead to those things. Yes, fooling myself and others into believing that ruse is what counts! Along with remembering that whatever I do, there will always be a segment of the population that cannot stand me. Funny, how you can feel like the entire world is working against you, and yet the strength to endure and overcome this feeling can arise by connecting to the broader universe, and knowing it is with you. Ninety percent of the population agrees that ninety percent of the world is full of jackasses, but less than ten percent agree on who those jackasses are. No, that’s not true, but it is fun to say. As long as I am honest with myself, and those around me, the fun I find in writing this blog will not stop. Even if the pleasure is momentarily lost, through honesty it will undoubtedly be found once more. Ah, I feel better now; much more inflated.  “Til next time.