This is Angry Tablecloth, and it doesn’t take a genius to outsmart one, aside from like most situations. An unbridled subscription to truth, separate from honesty, yet based in true honesty can overcome, and can be attained by a supposedly average mind.
Thought I’d start of with something smart-sounding, because there ain’t going to be much of that through the rest of this. We can explore that statement another time, but it’s been a while since I wrote an ill-advised post that will likely alienate some of my audience. The point of this might be missed, but at least there is not much of one trying to be made, just as there is not much of an audience to alienate.
Prior to the inception of my first post, a former colleague of mine, Derek, offered some pertinent advice. Sagely, he stated, “Dawg, write everything like you’re eating a big turkey leg after having a threesome.” Salient advice indeed. I promptly adopted this strategic mindset with wavering results, as it was not one I could consistently maintain. The ratio of success to failure leaned in favor of success, undeniably, but I pondered about what an even more effective frame of mind would look like. This is when I realized something grander.
I instead pictured myself wearing a wrinkled, tacky, poorly fitted suit from the 70’s. In one hand I had a heart shaped box of chocolates, and a bouquet of roses in the other, as I jauntily walked down the street towards my faithful girlfriend’s apartment, to celebrate our six year anniversary. Right at the moment I’m about to knock on her door, I receive a text message, telling me she has already left the city in a van, to go across the country and have threesomes with random strangers at every stop she makes. I figuratively turned my friend’s idea upside down. I shifted the focus from nothing to prove to nothing to lose.
This mindset was much easier to sustain, and personally more effective. It helped that my jerk of an ex-girlfriend, Carol, had just left me to “discover herself”, and “explore the world”, as she put it. Just out of the blue! No warning! Sure, there was that one fight. I only suggested a three-way at the bar with that other girl, because I thought you were eyeing her, and had been hinting at it for a while! I was doing it for you! Trying to spice things up, like you said!
I probably shouldn’t have drank those two low-carb wine coolers before I started writing this… I’m sorry I just called you a jerk, Carol… and not the b-word, like you always wanted me to when you said you were being one. Can we just have coffee? Give me just a couple minutes, and you’ll see I’ve changed.
I’ve grown, I swear! I went to a strip club even, and barely thought about the troubled childhoods, and hard drug issues many of those women have probably endured… No, not the one you’re working at. I have no clue where you work, or if you were wearing the blue sequin halter top I spent hours picking out, while dancing to our song, Cherry Pie, in front of a group of Asian business men, last Tuesday… I see you’re keeping in shape, though.
I even watched one of those pornographic internet videos with the non-Christian orifice love making. Who was that guy? In the video… Who was that guy you were with? I could only squint at the screen with the sound off, but it was Derek, wasn’t it?! I knew it all along! I hope you choke and die on that turkey leg, you bastard!
Take a deep breathe, calm down, remember someone who treats me that way is not worth holding onto even if it were possible, and have another wine cooler, which is not girly… I’m manly enough to drink ’em during a beer chugging competition at a biker rally!
alright, had two more drinks, and i’m feelin better. the universal flow within flows love extending to corners of the galaxy. Just got harness love. Be at with peace. Ignore the spinning room. Throw up if need to, then write greatest poeem every. That’ll get her attentsion.
Use you’re passion. When you’re down, act like there’s nothing to lose. When your up, nothing to prove. Write from the fiery passion of your heart using a calm, cool state of mind. Turn the pain Carol gave you into a gift It’ll happen, jlust allow it too. inspiration is every where in everything and everyone! Read a few Zen koans if needed, but how can I be need of a bad mood in a bad mood when I feel so warm and fuzzy inside? This advice might not be for everyone, but it works for you.
Use your concerns as the foundation for a launching pad. Ignite the rocket in the heat of a moment with aim for the desired outcome of being. You can all ways alter the trajectory if find yourself drifting off coarse… just keep going, and there is always amazing sights to behold, no matter how far from human contact you are. You are human, but you are stronger than you know. Let your weaknesses prove this. Unable to benchpress a million pounds? You are strength enough to no be bothered. Can’t think smart? You smart enough to understand why, or strong enough to let others show why. We are one, and have value, and giving value to others through limitations… acceptance of can unleash limitless potential, never forget. Never forget there is a beauty in the mind’s eye that Carol doesn’t see with her obsession for beauty, and that’s beautiful too, in it’s own way, as you are beautiful too in your own way.
Now that is the type of winning attitude able to produce brilliant results, just like this!