This is Angry Tablecloth, and I might not be an expert on meditation, but that doesn’t stop me from talking about it.
Bumped into an alien a while ago. I was sitting in my backyard, minding my own business, when bam! Little bastard appeared out of nowhere! Right in front of me. Couldn’t have been more than four feet tall. Big, oval, black, expressionless eyes, tiny slit for a mouth, big head, you know the deal. It was holding a wrench in one hand, with its four fingered grip. There’s something extra disturbing about an otherworldly being, holding an object from here, like it knew all about us, but I didn’t know a damn thing about it. For like a minute it just stood there, staring at me. I didn’t move, afraid it might move if I did. After the most uncomfortable minute of my life, it held the wrench up over its head, and I thought, “No you don’t! Stupid alien! No you don’t! Don’t even try it!” Didn’t take a psychic to know what was coming. Finally, it said, “I’m going to free your mind.” Didn’t use its mouth to talk. Simply used its head to talk into mine. I found myself paralyzed, as he slowly approached, and busted my skull open. When I came too, I found my brain was missing. Little bastard ran off with it. Didn’t know it at the time, but he did me a favour. Thanks to him, I am free! I am no longer bound by another person’s coordinates, or reference points! I am ergonomically independent of human logic! Not even Mara’s daughters can mold me to their will. The straight edge contortions of a lovely lady can still bind me, but only if the curves of her heart are shaped to my liking.
Since that day I have felt more alive than ever! I can feel every atom in every cell of my body buzzing! My blood is caffeinated! I can sense countless moments moving in and out of existence in the frame of a second, each and every second of the day! It’s crazy! It’s wonderful! It’s wonderful to be crazy! From the quantum world, to the world of relativity governing everything else – it doesn’t stop! Even how life can become so dull, so pedestrian, so lifeless in light of the constant calamity shifting everywhere is amazing, although it does not feel so astounding to someone suffering with boredom. That is why I am here to shift those in need from a grey spectrum to sparkling rainbow vision.
The fervent activity in the framework of every second is often masked by broader expanses of dullness. The lattice of monotony over top the splendor of now is tied to the past and future, where there are no vivifying details – just large bodies of moments. Reminiscing about the past, and speculating about the future has purpose, but it can interfere with the splendor of now, depending on the drift. To carefully manage your desires is to manage how much time is spent outside of now. It is hard to appreciate the subtle sounds, and sights of a forest, if you are running around it with a chainsaw. It is hard to observe and appreciate the spectacular motion of life, if you are spinning around in circles. What these two metaphors emphasize is the importance of governing thoughts, and taking the time to still the mind on occasion. There’s no cover fee to get in; all you have to do is kick out the riff-raff to enjoy what is present, and giving them the boot is as simple as asking them to leave. If it is more work than that, check if you are blocking the exit.
If there is not an alien in your backyard, ready to perform on overly zealous lobotomy, here is one imaginative method that may help. Think about how we live on a giant boulder spinning around in place, while the moon rotates around it, while they both go around the sun, moving in a solar system moving through a galaxy, that is part of a cluster, all moving at ridiculous speeds. If you want to get animated with it, picture yourself standing on the Earth, larger than life, your head pushing through the atmosphere, looking out into space, like you are the captain of a ship. Picture this in your mind, and/or look up at the sky while thinking about this. Or try imagining a person strolling down a sidewalk, and then picture others traveling to their own destinations around that person, and keep expanding as the sidewalk transforms into a view of neighboring roads, full of moving vehicles, and continue expanding as buildings, or homes come in sight, until a forest beside the city comes into frame. Simply expand from small to big, picturing the activity abound, using whatever setting you desire. After trying this, try to remove all thought from the mind, and the value of remaining still might appear differently than it did before.
Have fun with your imagination, and the next time you – God forbid – find yourself without music to listen to, or a movie to watch, or even a dumb book to read, like a goddamned filthy animal, you can utilize the power of your imagination for entertainment. I watch shows all of the time in my head, and I love it! Sometimes I even pretend the people in the shows in my head are my friends, and what splendid adventures we have together. We go to dinner, we swim, we ride horses, and one time we even went skydiving! Last week we went on a five day, Alaskan cruise. When they’re not plotting an overthrow, they’re a good bunch. You should get to know them sometime.
Use your powers of imagination for more than masturbation, or use it in other ways to enhance your masturbatory episodes at a later time, what do I really care?
Sitting down and closing the eyes in meditation has value, but is not the only route. Quieting your thoughts while taking a walk, or while on the bus, or eating a meal, or while listening to music, can alter the way you experience these things for the better. Just taking the time to contemplate on questions and answers, like the ones here, can open a gate to a new way of perception. Physiologically, the way you see and experience the world can change in dramatic ways, but this new outlook can also fade back to a more restrained state, at any given moment, by choice, or if distracting thoughts take over. If it could not be turned off with the simplicity of a switch, it could become very distracting in itself. It is also possible to develop an appreciation for ordinary, day-to-day life, if the desire to do so is there. You can also find that every moment is a new opportunity for discovery. Is there anything more terrifying or exciting than the act of discovery? You can also discover the ability to remove that fear so that there is only excitement.
It can take diligence just to remain in a certain state, until a state that cannot not be lost is attained, much like treading water just to remain in the same spot, until the island is finally reached.
I do have other practices and thoughts on meditation to share, since I guess this is about meditation, now, but they will have to wait. Not even sure I know much about it, really. Maybe my mind has simply been warped by unseen, reverse alien technology. Either way, the monotony has been erased, and I’m having fun, as I hope you are.